Do not raise my hopes if u have no confidence in me
Do not give me false hopes just to tease me
Do not trust me just to make me happy
Do not act as if u ain't all these...

I need no sympathy.

I know my position
I know my chances
I know my flaws
I know my character

I know your decisions
I know your choices
I know your doubts
I know your concerns

So stick to your decisions, I respect them
Even if I'm not one of your choices, I understand
You can doubt me, you have the right
You have your concerns, I will accept.

So now...
Let me have the right to be sad
Grant me the permission to react
Allow me to behave as I feel
Understand that I'm human too.

I can think, I can feel.

It's depressing enough to know I'm a loser,
that I'm below expectations, my own expectations.
It's bad enough to know that I'm not performing, not improving,
yet helpless to do anything.
It's pain enough to know that I'm just not as good,
but I'll still have to suffer through.

Still, I can accept cuz that's part of the game.
I will accept, maybe with a grumble,
but I will take it in my stride.

If you think I'm terrible, so be it,
I can jolly well live with it.
Dun try to convince me otherwise
by defying your own decisions, betraying your own judgment.
I'm not grateful,
I look down on you.
For thinking that I'm a pawn in ur hands,
that I cannot feel.

I may have take a longer time to recuperate,
but slowly & surely, I will
By trying to act compassionate & generous
You have robbed my only remnant of self-worth.

I'm now shattered, can you hear?
It's more painful than falling.
I'll rather fall from a lower height and fracture some limbs,
than to be raised and fall from a greater height,
and nowhere to be seen.