The 1st day of our last.

Yesterday was a thursday, I had no trg. In fact, I'll no longer have any trg on any thursday. Sad? Disappointed? I wun put on a strong front to say no, neither would I say very much so. maybe I'll prefer to remain indifferent. Afterall, I'm too numbed by emotions. maybe, I'm jus a little stunned by d fact that I'm a drop-out. ha! wat a word. yep, I'm a drop-out after being in d sch team for 7yrs, nat'l team for 3yrs. Still, there's always a 1st time to each experience, n I believe I'm given this chance to understand my frens, to be in the shoes I never was, to be able to tell my frens, "yes, I've been there too." Just need some time to accept the reality & be used to my new status.

So what did I do on this thurs? a thurs like any other yet diff on its own? It was a thur reserved for d privileged, n no...u r not invited. haha. cold laughter. Nope, I dun deemed it as a run-away. I'll call it seeking comfort.

Met up for lunch w wq, so bloody tired yet somehow we insist in waking up at such unearthly hrs. yes.. waking at 12noon is an unearthly hr! In fact, any time that is woken up by an alarm clock, is an unearthly hr to wake up. Imagine our motivation.

Karoke session at kbox. weiqi, serene, meixin, beeling n me! shuting supposed to come too but poor her, she's sick. Special guests arrived in staggered timing but we had fun singing our guts out! k, maybe we din sing our guts out, but there were ease n comfort in d air, we dared to sing horribly or lovely, it doesn't matter. I guess each were more engrossed in d company n in our own world. I could sense pple drifting into their unique world as they sang, watched, listened. I'm amazed at the amt of emotions put in, the intensity as we sang at times. maybe i think too much, but I'm sure it happened. certain songs were sang as a cover-up for release, sang with relevance to their life, sang for enjoyment or simply for the pleasure of hearing our own voice, of hearing others. Whatever it is, I had a great time, it was a lovely experience. =)

Dinner with bee & wq at clark quay, at a stone restaurant? It was a costly dinner but nevertheless, sumptuous. It better be. Luckily, we were all of at least middle-income families. Cuz I realised money is an impt factor in times of depression, frustration, loneliness, anger...jus any negative feelings.

Money is needed for good food, movies, drinks, clubbing... basically anything that is needed to distract a troubled person/pple needs money. Of cuz there is also the option of beach, park, homes etc that is FOC, but these are conditional. It's only effective if u have a fren who's willing to accompany & listen to u, if u have d mood to think thru things, if u have d peace within. Otherwise...u'll either end up more depressed, more lonely, more convinced that d world gonna be buried under ice sheets, or u'll find urself dead.

Anyway, that's abit out-of-pt, but I think it does make sense. Afterall, we spent abt $50 yesteday.. for gd causes such as making myself happy, I dun mind. So pray that, I'll regain my happiness b4 my money runs out.

Argh..jus got a call frm mum. My parents feel that I'm not spending enuff time with my ah gong despite being d hols now. my ah gong is asking for me every night... How timely can it be to make me feel guilty. k, I'm SORRY! Well, as I put down the phone, I can't help but shouted to myself, "mei ge ren dou yao wo pei, shui lai pei wo?"
haha, irrelevant.

After dinner, we headed to Bee's sis's pub. Plushroom. Drank abit, blabber abit, sang abit, watched pple quarrel abit, basically another form activity to keep us occupied. really dunno wat productive things came out. I only remember feeling v hot. Dun like, cuz we were literally doing nothing, drowning in smoke & blastering music, n that only makes me feel more sad abt my life. N I dun like to be reminded. That doesn't mean I dun like d pub, I jus dun like myself.

Then, we headed home in a cab. (See, that's money again.)