today...

Dear diary...

today started off w a tinge of moodiness & irritation in me.
bad mood to put it simply.
no..not pre-menstral syndrome, maybe post-mentral syndrome would b more appropiate.
In fact, jus ain't satisfied w my past week.
there were moments of anger, unhappiness, bad feelings..
yucks!
wat a week.

woke up at 10am.
went into a semi-concious mode of thoughts, recollection, self-reflection...
thot of pple, thot of frens, thot of my feelings, my emotions.
n d next moment i knew, it was 115pm.

din feel like toking to anyone, not to my mum especially.
Somehow, every word of hers seem to get on my nerves.
yes..wrong of me, i admit.

went to receive my dad with my ah gong.
yes, jus me & my ah gong.
d last time i went out with him alone was...k1/2?
6yrs old ?
I remembered him bringing me out for trishaw rides during kindergarten hrs.
I remembered watching d movie huang fei hong(he chose it),jus grandpa & his ah-ling.
To think tat after more than a decade, his beloved grand-daughter is now capable of accompanying him on d mrt to changi airport.
A reversal of role betw d dependencies.
I'm really glad we spent d time.
comfortably awkward, an oxymoron as it is.

happy to c my dad.
In fact, my day improved upon his arrival.
reached home, listened to his stories frm Cambodia, showed me d jades & tokens he bought.
Somehow, I enjoyed his presence at home much more.
He ate ice-cream & unpacked.
I ate ice-cream & watched tv.

yes..I enjoy watching tv, even more so when I'm unhappy or in a not-too-gd-mood.
watched till I teared.
3 drops of tears.
Amazed.
d show struck a chord in me.
I've forgotten d simplicity of life.
ashamed at my evident selfishness.
Is everything in life pursued w motives ?
how abt others ?
pls...dun forget to love.

Anyway, y r teardrops shed when pple r touched ?
jus some wondering...

went to my ah gong's hse for dinner.
once again, it's back to me, dad & ah gong.
sometimes I wonder... have they ever wished tat I was a boy?
I should think so...

sigh...
sigh...
sigh...
sigh...

feel like gg drinking w my frens jus now
feel like catching a movie
feel like jus gg out
feel like toking
jus feel like.
there's a dff betw feeling & doing.

my frens r angry
my frens r unhappy
y r pple ard me always not happy ?
it affects me.
it affects me!

I like shuangru.
so simple & w/o motives.
most imptly, she's happy.
n tat makes me happy too!
I've nv laughed so hard, so much...
thks to her =)