fragmented thought fragments...

Jus came back frm a 4 and a half hr of coaching.. at an unearthly hr of 830am...
tired is an understatement.
boggling head,
yes..boggling.
no complaints.
I'm amazed at my concentration,
I'm baffled by my actions.
Strangley fulfilled
though being in a focal zone for 4hrs leaves me drained & slighly skwed.

I see my frens exploring their paths
paths distinctively different from me.
Each walking further, more different & unique.
It's sooner or later we'll all find ourselves on our own mudroad,
a journey we have to take on our own.
Sad indeed.
Reluctance to part, fear of self-exploration.
Independence at the expense of attachments.
Happy indeed.
For the realisation of our life,
a full-bloom self.

21st birthday parties are the milestones
-the onset of our mudroads.
It's saddening.
For it marked the celebration
of the end of our shared journey,
the beginning of an unique story:

the end of our childishness,
the end of our secondary sch days
the end of ignorance
the end of wilfulness...
fantasies-turned-illusions,
bagful of memories as remembrance.

welcome to the world of responsibilities,
logic
reasons
down-to-earth.
-a full-grown woman.

The world is made up of perceptions
a reality of delusions.
It's quite pathetic to think of it...
so most of us jus live thru it,
sometimes even overly obsessed with it.

I hear criticisms,
I see judgments.
I feel intense emotions
all affecting the healthy living of one another.

Feelings of anger, hurt, jealousy, frustration..
what we think affect us is but an extension of our nonsensical brain waves,
it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

why dun we give ourselves a chance by letting go ?
why dun we give others a chance by letting go ?
sometimes,
I think I can live better if my environ can be more oblivious to my being,
-let me go.

Sounds too philosophical ?
It make perfect sense at this particular hour.

It must be the coaching.