Fear.

I don't know if I've become timid, or perhaps I've lost my guts. Or is it true that our fears increases exponentially with time. Either way, I realise I shudder at too many things, near or far.

I have foreboding fears. It sounds wrong, ironic, even silly. But it's scary, and I just wanna confess. I'm afraid of myself, my incapability, my inadequcacy. I forsee my downfall, it's scary. Really. I like to pursue happiness. My formulation of happiness through the growing years. Now I cry, as reality tells me my happiness is a fariytale. And I fear, that indeed my happiness is impossible. Impossible is a big word. It sounds never. I don't wish to compromise my happiness, I will never settle for lesser. But I think I may, I might... I have. And it's awfully frightening. I fear losing, to myself. I'm egositic and proud. I can't take it down that years of self-concept comes out to nothing but a lie. And I'm afraid to walk the journey of life as life itself is threatening to me. Every step I take could potentially make me a loser. I'm afraid to be a failure. It's scary to face your own facade. It's scary when you meet your own struggle. I fear the mask I put on becomes the face I wake up the very next day. I fear aplenty... the overwhelming fears I have scare the shit outta me.

This is fear. They sound nonsensical but perfectly logical. Putting them in words is meaningless. A fruitless attempt as evident. What's more fearful than knowing that the only person who can save u from your fears is herself in a state of fear.